(|Huh!?|)

I don't even really know. Pretty out of it right now, too tired.

Lots of crap happened, some of which I'm not going to talk about because it needs to be in a post of its own, but some of it:

My dynamis shell's co-leader mistakenly invited feiwong. After a few of us let our leader know who Boktai was, I had the pleasure of breaking his pearl. He sent a number of us /tells and said some things in /say, and I have screenshots of the stuff that was in /say or /tell'd to me, but I'm going to send those to Wyred once I stop being lazy about cropping them instead of posting them here.

That being said, I'm terrified because feitard is going to find my non-existent myspace page and somehow use it against me! Oh no!

I also decided to sell off all my gear that isn't for SAM, WHM, THF or BRD in an effort to focus more on my highest jobs so that I can finish them off and THEN worry about lower level stuff.

Lastly, I joined Versus. Its a pretty interesting group, I find myself comparing them a lot with my dynamis shell for some reason, not really because they're similar or anything just kind of like I dated the dynamis shell first and versus is the new chick I'm hanging around. Its pretty nice, no one seems like a lootwhore or anything, which isn't something I can say about at least one person in the dynamis shell.

We apparently do Jailer of Love tomorrow, which is kinda lol for me because. . . I have noooooo idea what to expect, but thats kind of the fun part I guess. The first thing I did in versus was WHM for back to back Kirin fights, which was one hell of an initiation, given that I had no idea what my job was and I basically just joined the parties I was told to join and filled whatever role seemed the most appropriate. I mean, its kind of a no-brainer as a WHM, you get told who is tanking and you cure everyone, the tanks in particular, but it was still adrenaline filled and pretty fun in that it at least felt like a challenge.

Anyway, thats all for now, though I need to do a big post soon. I'm fucking tired.

Public Service Announcement: White Mage

Yes you can gimp it up and still do your job fine. Should you? No. Knock it off and put some effort into the job like everyone else does.

And what the hell is up with Prot/Shellra V? Particularly Protectra V, why in the hell would you ever merit that? You get 68 defense from a fully merited Protectra V, and 55 from Protectra IV. I know absolutely no tanks who would ever prefer 13 defense over getting 250 MP every 10 minutes. Seeing WHMs merit Protectra V and Shellra V together over Devotion makes me sick to my stomach. Why would you ever spend 220,000 experience on 13 fucking defense?

As far as Shellra V goes, at best you go from getting ~21.9% magic damage ignored to getting rid of ~27.4% the stuff. Lets say, best case scenario, you've already finished EVERYTHING else, you have Devotion capped, and you're trying to decide between Shellra V and Martyr. Are there going to be big nasty NMs where you would want 5% more magic damage reduction? Sure. Ok, how about an instant 29 MP (Stoneskin) cure for ~500 HP every 10 minutes?

55 damage ignored out of 1000 from Shellra V's benefit vs. Shellra IV. For Shellra V's usefulness to keep up with Martyr, the total collective magic damage dealt to everyone with your Shellra on them over ten minutes would have to be NINE THOUSAND AND FUCKING NINETY MAGIC DAMAGE BEFORE REDUCTION. Fifteen magic damage a second. Does this ever happen? Sure, I haven't done HNMs, but seriously? Does it?

The only remaining argument that you can make in Shellra V's favor is that it gets put on 6 people, and that Martyr is single-target. I'm praying that no one really thinks thats a good basis for picking Shellra V over Martyr, but I figure there're always going to be idiots. . . so. . .

WOAHSHI

500k entry cost for dynamis FUCK YES

Does this mean I have a hope in hell of getting a relic now? Maybe.

No, really, does it? No. But I'm still happy.

In before butthurt relic holders cry about how their relic is more legit because they paid more for it.

Public Service Announcement: Red Mage

If you do not want to sub WHM and cast Silena DO NOT TAKE INVITES TO FIGHT IN CAEDARVA.

I am fucking tired as hell of asking for silena on BRD, get your shit together, find another job, or tell the DDs why they don't have songs up half the time. I'm tired of spending 8k every half hour because you're too lazy to cast a very fast spell.

This message has been brought to you by: (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|) (|Silenced|)

Also, stop subbing scholar. Seriously, you're idiots.

1/1 on Airship. . .

No pics, because I did it on my desktop, which no longer has fraps, but fuck. I'm pumped.

Souel is awesome, and Xcaliber likes boys.

Onwards to sea!

Also bushinomimi, BRD66, PLD41, RDM58 almost 59. Woo craps happening!

Is it just me. . .

. . . or is it always the gimpy domaru or full hachiman SAM in campaign that pulls hate from a mob that has 20ish people on it and then starts running away and kiting it around the tower or whatever area.

Has anyone else noticed this?

Public Service Announcement: Paladin

Grindan Gaems

To be honest I can't even remember when I got each level but I think I've gone from 44 to 48 and change on RDM so far. At the moment I'm 3k into 48, but I'll probably ding again tonight if I can stay up. Hell maybe I'll hit 50. That'd be kind of depressing actually.

Why the hell am I leveling RDM like this? Honestly I don't know. I just sort of decided that I want RDM at 75 and now its going to get done. I'll inevitably fall short and get sick of it (hopefully after 60), but for the moment I'm riding out my momentum and hoping I have what it takes to just burn the damn thing to 75. Maybe after or during that I'll find the motivation to do similar things with THF (72) and BRD (65).

It'll be great, I can go from being a princess on RDM and BRD and then raging with righteous fury against princesses and gimp THFs while trying to cap my THF.

Anyway, for the 5 of you who actually read this crap, how are the Public Service Announcements? I've thought about doing one for each job and if they're good enough, going through another cycle, but I want to put a lot of effort into them and make people laugh, so if its just going to get old after another couple I'd rather not bother.

I would very much like to get people to laugh (and maybe make a few people realize that they're doing something stupid. . .).

Conversations with teh Draco

So Draco has always been kind of anti-end game, and doesn't like people who obsess over gear and spend all their time up in sky or things like that. However lately I've noticed hes been talking a lot about end-game gear and trying to get a group going for assault and salvage and nyzul and all this junk, so I was talking to him a moment ago, and heres the conversation:

Draco: No kidding
but yeah i'm just plotting out what the best for each of my probable 75s is, and then seeing if I can overlap
From the looks of it, PLD and DRG will share a fair amount

me: so I guess you've officially broken down now huh

Draco: I'm just putzing

me: sure you are

Draco: We'll see how things go
I keep calling it a perfect world pipe dream so I don't get obsessive
but I don't have much else to do but collect shit

me: "I'm not gay, I just like anal sex"

Draco: I bought every damn thing already
Fuck you lol

Public Service Announcement: Thief

Why hello there Billy, it looks like you've gotten your Thief all the way up into the seventies! That's swell!

You've got your War Gloves, and you even noticed that TPing in Rogue's Culotte is gimp! You sure are moving forward Billy.

What's that Billy? You've upgraded your daggers you say? That's great, let's see what you got.

Wait, what the. . . Billy, what the fuck is this shit?

More critical hits? No, fuck you Billy. Fuck you right up the ass. Heart Snatcher is a piece of shit. Toss it now.

I don't give a shit that you spent days unlocking it Billy, you're a fucking retard. Toss it.

Wait, no, hold on. You're off-handing a Thief's Knife? And you're taking these to Frankie's merit party?

I'm sorry Billy, but you're being reassigned to WoW. Now get the fuck out before I find my belt.

This message has been brought to you by: Every god damn hour I've spent seeking my Thief because of the countless gimps who play the job making everyone think we're less useful than other jobs.

I'm looking at you Katoke. You and everyone like you.

Public Service Announcement: Samurai

Guys.

Hey. Guys.

Domaru sucks. Stop it. No, seriously, its a piece of crap, stop wearing it.

Keep your haubergeon, and if you're high enough to think about the domaru and don't have a haub, find another job to play.

This message has been brought to you by: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE

It doesn't even look good! If I see another SAM wearing okotes and a domaru I'll probably get my account suspended "helping" them understand how retarded they are.

Dynamis - Bedroom

On the one hand, lots of stuff happening, but then it doesn't feel like too much for some reason. This weekend actually should be rough since I have plans to leave my house twice within two days (amazing!). Other than that though, just a nice relaxing week or so getting some important things done.



Got my second to last drop for the Opo-opo crown a few days back. We got it on the first kill, amazingly. The reason this was particularly note-worthy was we got Draco's on the first kill as well.



Did my NPC's G1, though I have another one I have to do for her now. Honestly its a bit of a pain, takes a while to get these quests done.



I got an O-hat! Ok sweet my Thief is ready to exp-wait fuck Sirocco. Dammit. I need to convince myself to forget about all this R/E junk that would make my Thief great and just level the damn thing to 75.

For now at least, its Paladin time though.

Pictures, with a side of lulz

If you only care about the comedy, scroll down until you see the screenshot that consists of a whole bunch of orange text, that'd be it.



Unfortunately this ones already out of date. My PLD is nearly 29 now, can't wait to put on my eisen/kampf gear.



Got one of the more useless pieces of relic on Thursday. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to have it and appreciate the drop, but. . . lets be honest. Its not exactly something most people would be happy to catch a WHM wearing in a party.



Got my first level of Devotion, mostly for Draco. Its pretty fun, I don't regret picking it up. I need to cap it off now unfortunately. . . oh well at least I have SAM to do that with now.



75 SAM! That makes two.



I also got Diabolos randomly, which means I have all summons. Ironically, like the day after or two days after I picked Diabolos up they announced the Ixion thing, and even though I know now that he isn't a summon (yet), I still cried.



Got my Minstrel's finally! I think I mentioned it, but Saruka helped me get the drop. Draco also camped it with me quite a bit. Go go BRD end-game gear at 62!



I also picked up an Assault Jerkin recently, which I really don't deserve. This should be Draco's or Saruka's. But we should be remedying that shortly. . .



Ah the lulz. Anything more I could say about that conversation will only detract from the hilarity, so please, enjoy.



Ah, Cutaru. I just thought this seemed appropriately. . . cute? With her (his?) ass up in the air like that. Ironically, soon after taking this screenshot I found out that Cutaru is in my Dynamis shell. What a tweest!

Wait, what?

So I finally got around to installing photoshop and cropping up all my screenshots into what I want posted. I even organized them all so they're nice now. I go to upload them and. . . what? Photobucket got hacked?

So I can't upload them for the moment. Honestly I'm not sure what exactly happened to photobucket, I had JUST gotten a party on PLD as I noticed so I couldn't look into it much.

Anyway, improving Dynamis runs like I promised. Chat. Talk to everyone, get them mentally involved. If they're thinking about chatting with you and still doing their job, they're not thinking about whatever drop they haven't gotten yet or the fact that they've been there for 3 hours. Doesn't matter what you talk about, make a stupid joke. Just get a chuckle out of them or something. If your members are feeling good and not getting angsty over a mistake someone made or the drops or some other retarded drama, Dynamis is a lot more tolerable. The most important thing is to try to involve everyone unless they repeatedly act as though they don't want to be. Make them feel like they're part of the group even if its their first run. ESPECIALLY if its their first run. Get to know them all, even if only just a little.

You want people to have fun attending your runs, and lets be honest the game doesn't really facilitate that on its own most days.

Anyway, thats about it until photobucket comes back online.

PS: STOP FUCKING UNDERCUTTING KAGINAWA, FUCK

Thievery, Merits, and a second 75

So I want to post screenshots, I have a ton of them, but theres just one hitch. No photoshop. I have CS2, and I can install it any time, but I'm like. . . . I think 1 gig away from a full hard-drive at the moment and I'm too lazy to find stuff I want to delete/put junk on a DVD. Too busy dinging 75 Samurai I guess. Whoops, that was for later.

Saruka got 75 Thief though, which is awesome and I feel great for him because hes pretty much in the same situation I am. We've both been Thief for about the same time period (5 years) and are only just now close to capping it, and in his case, finally capping it. I actually hadn't realized that I have as much in common with him as I do until recently, its been a lot of fun screwing around killing stuff with him.

I've also worked on merits some, and thought about what I want to get. Until the last few days, I had only ever gotten one merit, and it went right into Regen. However I got three in the last few days and picked up the first level of Devotion, which Draco has wanted me to have for quite a while.

However the real interesting thing that I was thinking about was what I was going to do overall with my merits in the short term, and specifically how I might use them as a tool for improving a job as I'm leveling it. Namely, Paladin. The main thing that I have thought about improving is HP or MP, because those would be pretty much universally useful. However what I was thinking was, in the interest of Paladin, going full 8/8 on MP. I know, I know, most full-time Paladins reading this are probably thinking I'm nuts or stupid. There are a few factors here. First, I don't plan on tanking in end-game. I have White Mage and probably Bard as well for doing any of that junk, and I don't think I'm a particularly good tank as a player anyway. I am better suited for a support role. Second, looking at Paladin from the perspective of someone who more or less intends to use it only for leveling up, and then random raids or missions where my friends need a tank, HP isn't that important. Point for point, in that situation (to me at least) it makes more sense to go after MP. On top of that, I look at how most of the jobs I level and enjoy are mages (I know two of my three highest are melee, but overall I'm a mage player), and from what I can see it makes the most sense to go after MP.

To top it all off, I finally got Samurai to 75 in this ridiculously fun party that I got to sub Dancer in. We had three Samurai, a Thief, a Red Mage, and a Ninja, and the Thief only ever got to engage the mobs when they pulled a link, because we were killing so fast. We got a good 30k, which allowed me a healthy 10k buffer, which I'll probably be too lazy to extend. So now I don't have to merit on my White Mage, and a shell member (Djohn) is slowly nearing 75 with his own White Mage, so its great that I have another option.

I'd go into detail about what I want to merit on Samurai but the only real interesting dilemma I've thought of is Meditate versus Third Eye. Everything else seems pretty obvious to me, and thus not very interesting. At the moment I can't really decide between Meditate and Third Eye because on the one hand Meditate turns into more hate generation, which I don't really need, and I'm honestly not very good as using Third Eye all that often, even though I have toyed with the idea of tanking with Samurai rather frequently, especially after Dancer was introduced. At any rate I'll probably do Meditate simply because its more useful than only five seconds off of Third Eye, and coupled with Shikikoyo its reasonable to see myself using and wanting even more TP than I already get.

Anyway, I'm either going to nap or go walk to an awesome family owned donut place near my house for breakfast, but the next entry will be something that at least interests me; a way to improve your shell's Dynamis runs without making any in-game adjustments.

Dynamis - Kitchen

Joined another Dynamis shell. . . Elminster runs it, its pretty cool. Aside from a blatantly obvious gilbuyer (SH+1 + a key ring belt full time in dyna windy after not knowing if the airship in sandy went to windurst as a level 70 THF - oh and he got a relic drop) and some people who say things they shouldn't / act like they're on a power trip most of the time, its a great shell. Excellent PLDs, and a number of cool people.

I WHM'd of course, which was a lot of fun since the first party I was in (5 DDs and me) was very relaxing and enjoyable, and then they threw me in the tank party which at first was scary as hell since I wasn't quite ready for it, but once I figured out how things were going mostly it was easy. The PLDs did a wonderful job and made it quite easy for me to keep them alive.

I've also been doing ZMs, I never really realized how freaking easy they are. In the last little while we knocked off ZM4 and ZM5, kicked the crap out of both of them despite getting slapped around by the zi'tah headstone NM a bit. Can't wait to get sky access, there is a particular shell I would like to join, though I'm going to have to be careful about my work schedule and joining various shells like the dynamis one and this one.

Anyway, SAM partay. Maybe I can get 75 this weekend.

Lolwut

Yea I left for a while, more so this blog than the game. Left the game for a month or two to do better in classes, did worse, so. . . I don't know.

Anyway, update day. Pretty sweet, lots of stuff, but most of them are things I want to see in game or screenshots of before I really form an opinion so not too much to comment on beyond feeling as though my SAM likely has some different goals now gear-wise.

SAM is 73. THF is 70. DNC is 37. RDM is 4. . . 43? Either 43 or 42, I don't remember.

SAM has actually been a lot of fun. I don't know what is up with the missed WS crap but for some reason its been happening less despite no gear changes, but when it does happen its like 3-4 in a row and then no misses for a while. Not really sure whats up with that, but I can only really move forward at this point.

Some douchebags jacked the price up on Shinsoku randomly, I've been trying to pick one up but I'm not paying 200k for something thats been 110k for a long time.

Lastly, I started making egg fried rice. This is excellent food and any retard can cook it easily, heres how you make it:

- Make some rice (I prefer brown personally, healthy), and refrigerate it the night before if you can though I don't think its completely necessary.

- Prepare the vegetables/meat you want to use. Personally I like to go with broccoli, carrots, and corn but red bell peppers and pretty much any meat work well too. cut them up fairly small, its best to be able to get a little of everything in most bites.

- Throw the rice in a wok or large pan with high sides, add some vegetable oil, maybe like 4 tablespoons or something, I just pour a bit in. the idea is to get it on all of the rice

- You have two options with the eggs: you can either do them separately (what I prefer because I make a big batch and my wok isn't all that huge) or you can do all of it in one pan. If you do it separately, just make scrambled eggs with salt/pepper and whatever else you'd like to add to them in a separate pan, and when they're more or less solid throw them in with the rest and continue to cook them. Try to get the individual pieces of egg relatively small. If you're doing it all together, at some point during the cooking, whenever you're most comfortable (I go shortly after I've put all the other stuff in) move everything but the eggs off to one side of the pan as best as you can and pour the eggs in, just make 'em scrambled right there. You might be able to just dump the eggs in without moving anything aside and cook it all together but I've never tried it and it might be kind of difficult.

- For the rice and vegetables, just stir fry them pretty much (which is to say heat the pan they're in and move them around with a bamboo or wood spatula until they're cooked). You'll want a little bit of soy sauce, depending on how much stuff you throw in other than the rice it will vary. Try to experiment with how much you use. You can also use other sauces, I'd imagine teriyaki or oyster sauce would work but I've never tried either personally.

tl;dr: Stir fry rice, meat and vegetables. Make scrambled eggs. Mix together.

Hockey players are the best, period (2)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRdRYq2CpjE&feature=related

Well, despite being a tech guy I can't figure out how to directly put the damn video into this, so theres the link until someone posts a comment on how to do it, not that anyone reads this.

But anyway, I noticed this video because my team (San Jose Sharks) just traded for Jody Shelley, who is in that. Basically, a leafs player autographed a stick for Shelley during the game, and threw it over the divide in the glass. What other sport could you possibly see this kind of friendliness in during a game in? Football? Fuck no. Baseball? Maybe, but probably not. Basketball? I doubt it. This is the one thing that makes hockey better than any other sport will ever be; the culture is just so ridiculously awesome that it is beyond description.

Another example, and I'm sorry that it involves the Sharks again but they're really the only team I watch, was when the Sharks were playing. . . maybe the Coyotes. . . I don't remember, but it doesn't really matter. A couple fights started up after a play, and in one of them, the opponent's player got injured a bit, and was laying down on the ice. Jeremy Roenick (pretty big name in hockey, generally speaking), who was the sharks player in the fight, was the one who called for the opposing teams trainer. Thats right, he wasn't throwing punches or trying to hurt the guy more. He STOPPED, let go of the guy, made sure he was laid down ok on the ice and called for a trainer. This is all right after they were throwing punches at each other.

This is why hockey players are so fucking awesome. They're not out there to kill each other, and its not as violent of a sport as people think. Fights on the ice are almost always about one of the people owning up to a mistake they made that hurt or could have hurt another teams player. They're about accountability. Not hurting people. Got that all you idiotic mothers who stop your kids from playing because "OH MY GOSH ITS VIOLENT"?

Hockey culture is win.

Soboro, Stir-Fry, and. . . S. . . s. . . reformatting

So, as you can see in the picture, I got a Soboro. Its nicer than I had expected. Its not godly, by any measure, but its still quite nice I think. As you can see in the picture, Val was having a bit of fun harassing people about their (in)ability to spell things correctly. However, there were two other things that happened during the run. One was epic, and one was epic fail.

Lets start with the epic part. Towards the end, people started leaving and being pricks, so eventually we wound up with just 12 people, and our 'main' tank was afk (part of the epic fail). We wound up fighting one anyway, and its second self-destruct raped Enc, who was our 'second' tank. He immediately re-raised and voked it, and tanked it from like 50% until we killed it. He had 221 max HP I think during 90% of that. So, yea, Enc is now easily the most badass PLD I know, which is actually saying a LOT since I hang around Draconum a ton. Though I did pull hate off Draco with Regen III once, so. . .

On to the epic fail. On the second or third to last run, the 'main' tank Linkstrife said he had to hit the grocery store, and that it'd only take about one cycle (as in he'd be back a little after the next ??? popped, but before the one after that). We killed one, wiped, and waited like 2 hours total for him to come back. The other thing is, we would have been DONE at that point anyway if he hadn't brought out his second account to get one, and while he claimed otherwise, a few of us think he ALREADY GOT ONE FOR HIS MAIN. So, after a while we just said fuck him and left. He stayed there until or past like 1:30 AM or so (CST?) that night according to Val, so he was afk for a lot longer than "20 minutes or so".

Anyway, real life. I've been trying to get a wok for a while, and yesterday I finally got one. It is unfortunately xbawks hueg, but all of the other ones were tiny, so whatever. I made some vegetable stir-fry last night with a few things, and man was it ever filling. I haven't eaten vegetables in. . . forever. But yea, I wish I had a digital camera so I could put a pic of it up on here, it actually looked really nice for something I made (IT HAD COLOURS!). All part of an effort to kind of round out my diet so I can be healthy, since last semester I sort of ate almost nothing but pasta and lost 40 lbs. as a result, and I'm not going to say I was super thin or anything (6 feet tall and was like 180-200), but I'm not really fat either, so suddenly going and dropping 10 pounds a month just wasn't looking like a healthy thing.

Also, I got some stupid viruses on my desktop that turned into losing my net connection for 24 hours a week or two ago, so I've been trying to reformat it and because of a combination of about 3 impossibly irritating things, I can't normally reformat without a floppy, but I'm using this opportunity to put ubuntu on there as well, and my friend says I can use that to reformat, so hopefully that will work. The only thing that sucks about it all is I just realized that I don't have photoshop any more, so I'll have to downlo-I mean. . . ask my. . . family. . . for one of the copies from uh. . . home (actually now that I think about it, I actually am going to do that, I'd forgotten, but my parents bought CS2 and such, dad used to work for Adobe so he probably got a deal on it).

Anyway, off to make breakfast. . . recently discovered the joys of simple buttered toast.

Freakin hell. . .

You know when you just kind of get off track and one mistake or problem creates another one and it just branches out until you're pretty screwed overall? Happening right now, kinda depressing. I know I need to just put my head down and work, but that has always been my one problem. I can't just strap in and turn on easily. Whether its because I make excuses, or am lazy, or what, I don't know, but it always happens and its the ONLY thing between me and the top of the class.

First problem was that my housemate is still a fucking douchebag, and even a hour or two ago was slamming and cussing at his computer, which has consistently either woken me up or made me unable to sleep, and that combined with the fact that the beds here are absolutely horrible and extremely difficult to sleep on, its virtually impossible to get a decent sleep schedule going. This has in turn caused me to miss a couple classes in the first three weeks because I've been on the verge of passing out, and to avoid the embarrassment of passing out in the middle of class I just went home and slept. In turn I was unable to do the first assignment in one of my classes (bye-bye 5% of my grade) and haven't done too much of the reading in my other classes.

The result? Well, I am trying to just straight force myself to get this work done and finish as much as I can as soon as it is assigned, and also get this stupid fucking excuse for a human kicked out of residence for being an all around douchebag.

This crap is creeping into the rest of my life too though, but I'm finding it easier to remedy it there. I've always been a tech/computer person, but I've also got a fair bit of intuition with story-writing, though at the moment its mostly just picking out what is wrong with other people's stories. As a result, coupled with my love of games I've been trying to aim towards a career in game design (not programming them, but literally designing the game/plot). Lately I've come across nothing but people saying there aren't any openings, and pretty much all discussion of it that I've seen ends there. This got me thinking about whether or not my goals are even vaguely realistic, and the whole thing is just depressing. At the same time, I understand and acknowledge that this isn't the kind of thing I can just decide and plan out on a whim, and in reality I have no idea what its going to be like 2-3 years from now when I graduate and really start working on a career, but it still gets me down.

Lastly, with FFXI I've been feeling severely unmotivated. Yea, I really want to get X, Y and Z but really. . . do I even have time to utilize sky access if I got it? Sea access? Any of that sort of thing? Hell, even just another 75 job? I'm trying to get myself into a relationship and I think its extremely likely that FFXI will take an extreme backburner seat when that happens, so whats the point of enduring retards in the dunes? I guess it might just be a result of the overall negative attitude that I've got going right now, but damn. Even my entertainment is kinda dying off here. I guess on the flip side I'm trying to get myself to listen to Canadiens and/or Leafs games as well as Sharks games (hockey for all you lolamericans, since any Canadian who doesn't know who the Canadiens or Leafs are whether or not they like them ought to have their citizenship revoked), so that might help me enjoy things more and motivate me to head out of my room some time to watch games, maybe a bar, I dunno.

Anyway, feeling a little better now but. . . theres still kind of an argument going on in my head between the new me (post-depression) and old me (depression). New me knows the game and beat it, several times, but it still takes a while to do, and the old me is still stuck in the same old loop. . . it feels like I'm playing therapist for a friend again, but its me, weird feeling.

Anyway, back to my reading.